In the nineteenth century men came to realize that all human activity ran its course within society and that nothing could withdraw itself from its influence. It was consequently deduced that everything which was not science of external nature must be science of society. Since the subject-matter of ethics and of the history of civilization, of aesthetics and demography, of politics and ethnology, was to be found within the framework of society, society appeared as the inclusive territory in which all these sciences congregated. In other words, the study of man became the study of society. This realization that man in his whole nature and in all its expressions is determined by the fact that he lives in reciprocal relations with other men, led to a new way of thinking in the field of the humanities. Historical facts in the broadest sense of the word, the contents of culture, the systems of production, the norms of morality, could no longer be explained solely in terms of the individual and his interests. But there was also no longer any necessity for having recourse to metaphysical or magical origins where this explanation failed.

Historical phenomena could now be explained by the interactions and co-operations of individuals, by the aggregation and sublimation of countless separate contributions, and by the materialization of social energies in structures which exist and develop outside of the individuals. But this did not create a new science. Neither did it mean that the existing social sciences had to renounce their independence and become subdivisions of one inclusive, synthetic social science which was to be called sociology. In so far as sociology, as a science, rested its claims on the ground that man must be understood as a social being and that society is the vehicle of all social experience, it contained no object which was not already treated in one of the existing social sciences. The actual situation was that sociology merely proposed a new way of dealing with the subject-matter of all these sciences, a method of science which, for the very reason that it was applicable to the totality of their problems, was not a special science in and for itself. In the same way induction, when it invaded all possible sciences as a method, was not for that reason a special science, let alone an all-comprehensive science.

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How many times have you been told by a girlfriend that you were afraid of an emotional commitment? Well if this sounds familiar then you’ve landed in the right place. Let me tell you why.

What is meant by a fear of “emotional commitment”? Well there are many interpretations of this so I’ll mention a few. They center on the following:

1. A fear that you might be losing out on the “fun” the other guys are having by “playing the field”.

2. A fear that you might get bored with your partner after some time.

3. A fear that you’ll be saddled with responsibilities that go with a relationship and that will make life unpleasant.

4. A fear that you will lose the freedom you currently enjoy to do what you want whenever you want.

5. A fear of becoming emotionally intimate with another person.

6. A fear of exposing your true self to another person.

7. A fear of being rejected by your partner.

8. A fear of not being able to live up to all the responsibilities that a relationship demands.

9. A fear of confronting deep feelings of inadequacy.

10. A fear of having to “grow up” and become a fully functioning adult, and so on.

If you look at the list above you’ll see that one word keeps reappearing. That word is not a pretty one is it?

If you recognize what that word does to your self esteem, your self confidence, and your self worth you’ll notice, if you’re honest with yourself that it is reducing the overall quality of your life.

Now here I’m not advocating that you simply go and jump into any relationship simply to try and make yourself feel better. Rather I suggest that you develop the emotional skills and attributes that will truly prepare you for a successful and fulfilling relationship.

Ultimately only this will make you feel like an adult male who is mature, confident, courageous and of integrity.

Unfortunately most men are not socialized to be aware of their own inner feelings or emotions. The general belief among many men is that emotions are a sign of weakness and are the domain of women.

I beg to differ with that self destructive way of thinking.

Emotional awareness is, in my view, the single most important developmental skill that every individual must cultivate. Men on this planet have been done a grave dis-service because they have not had this privilege.

As a result they have been left crippled, yes crippled, by this unfortunate practice. An inability to feel and discern one’s inner emotional landscape has left men feeling terribly inadequate, vulnerable and handicapped

In order to feel better about themselves they have attempted to compensate for this through many destructive and self destructive behaviors most of which manifest as a need for power.

If you look around on this planet you’ll see how this need has only contributed to the demise of the planet and everything on it. More so it is also deeply scarring the very men who perpetrate such acts. Sadly many of them are so numb to what they are doing that they cannot feel the consequences and hence cannot stop themselves.

Isn’t it time that you as a man took the bull by the horns and stood up for your rights? That is you emotional rights.

Well if you really want to be a man who feels whole and complete then you may wish to visit the web link below in my bio to get started on your journey to your true self.

Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Key Note Speaker,Editor of a New Ezine Called “Spirituality And Science” (which is requesting high quality article submissions) Author of “Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation” (available in ebook format on his web site), Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Energy Medicine Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being.

Web Site: http://www.telecoaching4u.com/IntroConsult.htm

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As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories - overt control and covert control.

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled - of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance - withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant - which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled - the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

EYES ON PARTNER’S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear - of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.

A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding

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With your phone ringing off the hook and email messages piling up, are you still trying to decide how to select your new roommate? If you are, don’t worry, it’s just a matter of getting organized and putting together a roommate selection process that suits you.

The key to successfully choosing a new roommate is to start planning how you will select your roommate before you begin your search. Creating a roommate selection process lets you become more organized which allows you to focus on choosing the right roommate. This means you can make the right choices without needing to worry that you may be choosing the wrong roommate.

The ideal roommate selection process involves 6 distinctive steps. The advantage of breaking down the process into steps is that it allows you to concentrate on each part individually without being overwhelmed by the “big picture”. So, what does the selection process to find your perfect roommate involve? Let’s take a look at each of the 6 steps in detail.

1. Plan Questions for Initial Enquiries
You will need to decide on 4-5 questions you would like to ask during initial telephone and email enquiries. This way you can find out more about a person and decide if you like to invite them to a roommate interview.

2. Create a Short List and Schedule Interviews
Putting together a short list shows you which people closely match the profile of your perfect roommate and would be good candidates to become your new roommate. When scheduling interviews, it’s a good idea to meet with potential roommates a few hours apart, so that you don’t need to cut interviews short due to the lack of time.

3. Interview Potential Roommates
Roommate interviews can be formal or informal and can be held at any place, for example, you could hold casual interviews over coffee in a local Caf

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Let me tell you a little about the Gossip Mill.

It is a universal machine, churning out gobs of useless and time-consuming drama for nearly every individual on a never-ending basis. From coast to coast, on both sides of the globe, you can find it. Comprised of thoughts and flesh, words and dress, it is the largest working organism on the planet, and it never fails to deliver. Though its parts may often differ, all the way from ethnicity to age to religion, it is without doubt a human construct. Animals do not engage in such frivolity. Their time is understandably better spent putting all of themselves into enjoying the finer things in life - eating, sleeping, sex. Completely uncomplicated.

No, The Gossip Mill cannot work in the Animal Kingdom, as such unabashedness would serve as the ultimate monkey wrench, completely dismantling the entire thing, with no hope of ever being repaired. The Gossip Mill needs conniving minds and chattering mouths; it needs elaboration, exaggeration and iteration. Above all, it requires the rabid craving to openly analyze and criticize its own individual working parts behind their backs. This is both the very function and purpose of the machine, all in one, and how amazingly human it is.

I know. It’s a Catch 22. It’s a staggeringly defeating, depressing waste of time, but you are a part of it. Don’t believe me? Think about your last conversation, or the one before that. Think about your friends, your acquaintances and lovers. You’re there - we all are. The Gossip Mill is one of the greatest machines the Grand Illusion has ever come up with, simply because it is so amazingly self-sufficient. No outside maintenance is required - we, the parts, give it all the lube it needs, and how soundly we do sleep.

Getting sick of it? Tired of being of being a company man? Feel you’re half-awake already and ready to make that leap? So go pull a Thoreau then. Wander deep into the woods, alone, and find what your own mind has to offer. See how long you can last. Chances are you’ll come screaming back before the clock strikes twelve, weeping and blubbering, kissing the sweet, grimy floor of the Gossip Mill and taking up that uniform with a demented new verve and gleam to your eye. The Animals don’t need you. The Gossip Mill does.

“Don’t just call me pessimist. Try and read between the lines.” - Maynard James Keenan

http://www.writingup.com/blog/slip_shoes_william

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