In your initial letter, you should provide the following information:

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To get the answer of this question is very difficult. Many times in life we love people with our pure heart. Our feelings are same like an innocent child. Our feelings are even clearer than the clearest water on earth. Our feelings are more fragrant than the any fragrance available on earth. Still our feelings don’t get the reciprocal reply. Our feeling are taken to ride and broken like an unwanted thing. These kinds of feelings we experience in life for very few moments and times. If these feeling do not get the good response, then it is very difficult to experience them again.

To experience these types of feelings we require a special experience or relation at that time. Without the special purpose it is very difficult to feel them. Therefore few people are able to experience them. These feelings are like God gift to some. Every one does not have this opportunity. Thus first of all we should we happy of us that we are chosen for this purpose. Our attention should not be on how people react to use and what response we get out of it. However our attention should we on what experience we are bestowed in this way. It is sad for some time, when we don’t get the favorable response.

We feel sad because our most of attention is on the outcome and not on the feelings through which we are going. It may be the true feelings of love. Here we focus more on the result of our love affair and not the feeling through which we are going. These feelings are as good as our beloved. Second these are just few chances in life to experience these feelings. Once missed, they are not going to come back again. Therefore we can make our selves strong and reduce their effect on us. Many people who does not got the opportunity to go through these feeling, also doesn’t understand others.

To get the equal response for our feelings same feelings are required in other person’s heart. If he or she doesn’t have true feelings for us, then we can never get the desired response. So in nutshell it is not the fault of us or of the other. It is only the maturity level of our feelings. We can not blame any body for it. It is like this. Some people are alive outside, but emotionally dead inside. For them one can never expect any good response. So we require to judge our feelings well and from whom we have expectation. For the maturity of our feelings we are require to more enjoy our feeling then rather guessing on the results.

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So you finally decided that you truly want to divorce from your “supposedly” life partner. The relationship has deteriorated to a point of no return and you want out.

While married, you lived like an ordinary married life. You had children — you participated in their activities; you helped with homework, you volunteered for the school, you watched their artistic performances and sports competition, you took them to the ballet and instrument lessons, you met their friends’ parents and shared some great stories, you carpooled and so on.

You had a joint bank account — without even thinking, you shared the expenses for the household, children’s activities, vacations, family outings, clothes, medical expenses, braces, and so on. You bought a house, cars and other good stuff for the enjoyment of all; you may even have given your children the gift of a private education.

You had a house — you shared the delights and the responsibilities of being a homeowner; you did chores, you shared in the maintenance of this beautiful place, in its decoration, in the placement of your beautiful furniture, in paying the utility bills and taxes.

You made sure that the yard was as beautiful as your living room, you had a garden, you called the plumber and electrician when needed, you maintained the vents for air conditioning and heating in good shape and did everything else in your power to have a happy home.

You had a good social life. You had good friends; you welcomed your spouse’s friends as your own, you had dinners and birthday parties; you visited others as they visited you; you went out to clubs and restaurants, you were a member of a club, perhaps, where the two of you shared many experiences with others, and son on.

You had a great family life. Even if not perfect, you dealt well with your in-laws, you had Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, you spent time together, you exchanged presents, you shared laughter and tears, you celebrated birthdays and mourned deaths.

You had a good leisure life: you went to the theatre, you watched films and some especial TV programs, you went to concerts, you played tennis and other sports, and you shared a hobby, among other things.

In sum you had a great ordinary life, with its highs and lows. You lived “for better and for worse” as you thought you should. Now you realized that you have grown apart and that the company of your spouse is no longer a pleasure. You have learned to live your own life, you refuse to share the bed, and you want nothing to do with this person with whom you have shared your life.

You have learned to disrespect, to despise, and to hate. This very being who was once the perfect life partner is now an unknown person and you couldn’t care less whether this person is happy or whether this person is living in hell. You are done.

You have reached the dreadful point of no return and no matter what you hear about divorcing is not going to convince you to stay in such a rotten relationship.

Very well.

But think about it for a moment: are you absolutely sure this is the best course of action? Of course, the relationship as it was no longer exists. But, can you find a way to change this relationship and create a different one where no one will be sacrificed?

Think about what you are about to lose if you divorce: your children full time, your family life, your house, your friends, your financial security and shared expenses, and your lifestyle. In sum, everything. Is this a price you are willing to pay?

Now, consider the following: are you ready to see a once perfect partner become your deadly enemy? Have you thought about what kinds of cruelty you will be inflicted upon by someone with whom you were once intimate? Because this is what usually happens when there is a break up, especially when there is bitterness. Your spouse might lose civility and will become a nightmare for sure.

Now, forget everything you are going to lose. You certainly can deal with them. But can your children? Can you see your children losing most, if not all the privileges there are accustomed to because your lifestyle will take a dip in several areas? Can you now trust your spouse to care for your children part of the year, when you are not present to control damages?

Can you let go of all that is very dear to you because of your inability to see the house for the bushes? Or do you think you could give a try and re-create a relationship for the sake of everyone’s well-being? It is possible, you know.

Think about it.

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It’s a sobering thought for Mother’s Day, but infidelity can affect a mother in 3 ways — psychologically, physically and financially.

Psychologically
If a woman’s husband is cheating on her, it can lead to psychological issues which can negatively impact the way she interacts with her children. It’s difficult for a woman to be a good mother when she’s trying to work through the issues of her husband’s affair. A mother can become so emotionally distraught that she’s unable to give her children the care and attention they need. Infidelity in a marriage can also cause psychological problems in children such as anxiety, depression, or eating disorders, with which a mother will have to cope.

Physically
A man having an affair, who engages in unprotected sex, puts the mother of his children at risk for HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). If a mother’s health deteriorates she will be unable to care for her children. If she’s pregnant, STD’s can jeopardize the health of her unborn child. Some STD’s, like chlamydia can even affect a woman’s ability to become a mother, by rendering her incapable of having children.

Financially
If infidelity leads to separation or divorce, it could affect the ability of a mother to financially provide for her child - especially if her husband refuses to meet his financial obligations. Without the father’s income, a mother may be unable to support her children in the manner to which she has been accustomed. She may even have to work outside the home, or take second job, which will limit the amount of time she can spend with her children. An unexpected divorce or separation can put an unsuspecting wife and mother in a serious financial bind when it comes to living arrangements, health care, and the children’s education.

Don’t Be the Last to Know

Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs. As a mother, if your husband is cheating, you can’t afford to be the last to know. For the sake of your children, you need to find out before it’s too late. Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, lists practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs women usually overlook. Do yourself a favor for Mother’s Day and familiarize yourself with the signs of infidelity, so you’ll never be caught by surprise. To receive a free tip sheet which describes the 21 categories of infidelity signs, send an e-mail to InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with “21 categories” in the subject line. For more information about infidelity or cheating husbands, visit www.InfidelityAdvice.com

About Ruth Houston:

Infidelity expert Ruth Houston is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs and the founder of http://www.infidelityadvice.com/ Frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news, Ruth has been quoted in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, the New York Post, the Chicago Tribune, , the Houston Chronicle, the Toronto Sun, Crain’s New York Business, iVillage, MSN Lifestyle, UPI, Newhouse News Service, Reuters, AFP, Entertainment Online, Hollywood Heat and numerous other print and online media. Ruth has also been a guest on The Today Show, Good Day New York, Telemundo, PowerTalk Radio FM, TalkAmeri,a BBC, CBC and over 250 other radio and TV talk shows in the United States, Canada, Europe, South America, Australia, New Zealand and the Caribbean.

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Have you ever been in a relationship where you’ve spent lots of time together, you’ve talked to each other several times a day, you’ve shared your secrets and inner most thoughts, you’ve spent many nights together, and you were sure he was “the one.” Then suddenly he refers to what you think of as a “relationship” as a “friendship.” You then realize that what the two of you have has not been solidified. You may have never had “the discussion.” You know what I mean, the one where he says he only wants to be with you and you say you only want to be with him, and from there the two go away with understanding that you are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

Because you have not had “the discussion,” you find yourself faced with a dilemma. Do you continue things the way they are, talk to him about the future of this “friendship”, or leave him behind and start the search again? The choice is yours. However, to protect yourself you need to make it clear to him and yourself that you are not going to be committed to a non-commitment. Assuming a commitment is what you want.

Whether you leave the “friendship” completely or continue with things the way they are, don’t be ashamed to tell him that you thought it was a relationship. Since the two of you were behaving as individuals in relationships do, it is natural that you would make that assumption. If he wants things to continue they way the have been, and you still want to see him, see other men too. Don’t be afraid to tell him you plan to see him and other people until you are both ready for a relationship, and don’t feel any remorse for doing so.

I know society likes to label women who see more than one man at a time, but why allow a label to stop you from seeing what’s available in the man department. Conduct yourself as a safe adult who has the right to explore her options. Be honest and respectful of all parties involved, and have a good time. You will feel more confident, seem more desirable, and become choosy when you keep your dating options open.

Too many times we give a man the pleasures of a relationship and feel ashamed, angry, and hurt because he doesn’t want to give us the security of a commitment. Know your worth! Know that you are worthy of a commitment and that you can have one if you want one. If not with the man you thought, then with someone who has the same commitment goal you have.

Brooke Brimm has a Master’s degree in Professional Counseling and 8 years of experience in the field of Human Science. She has been married since 1993 and has two beautiful daughters. Ms. Brimm authors an ezine, Loves Gumbo, in which she discusses love, relationships, and friendships in today’s society. To join email: lovesgumbo@comcast.net

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