We all have friends. A lot gets talked about friendships. Everyone wants a true friend, and many of us believe that we have a friend who can be called a true friend. What kind of relations do friends share? When can we call a friend a true friend, and when can our friends take us as their true friend. After a romantic relationship, friendships are the most important relationships we can have. Though all of us have family and distant family, most of us rely on friends for advice, comfort and inspiration. How do we define a relation that can be called as one of true friendship?

The very first sign of a very good friend, not necessarily a true friend is that we are not worried about courtesies. You will call your friend at any hour and talk without any thought of time in your mind. Similarly, whenever you need support, you will call a very good friend and ask him/her to help you out. They expect the same from you. Another important trait of such relations is that we are not much worried about exposing ourselves. We speak about everything in our mind without worrying about what our friends will think. We are sure that they will take our talk in the spirit it was made. We are unguarded and open with friends in our talk.

A true friend is a little more than a very good friend. A true friend will support you even if it hurts his/her own interest. A true friend will understand your motives and needs and will be with you without any analysis or criticism. A true friend will come forward to help without any request and be with us in need without showing it or expecting anything in return. With a true friend, you can be sure that you will get help to the extent possible by him/her. Nothing will remain unturned. A mother is a true friend of her children. If we share such relations with an adult we can say that we are true friends.

A true friend makes no excuses of having work or appointments or anything but will be with you whenever you need him/her. In your hour of desperation, a true friend will support you even if the whole world opposes you. A true friend is not an opportunist. A true friend means to have someone who is like mother, as I said earlier. Instead of having hundreds of good friends, if you have a true friend, treat yourself lucky. If you can also become a true friend of someone, you will be blessed, because it is much easier for all of us to expect but very difficult to give. Be a true friend yourself first.

CD Mohatta writes for ecards, screensavers and wallpapers. The topics of his writings include love, inspiration, holidays, birthdays etc. You can view desktop wallpapers at screene.com, ecards on ecarduniverse.com and quizzes on funquizcards.com.

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For the uninitiated, a ‘quirkyalone’ is a person who enjoys being single. Although not averse to the idea of a relationship, they would rather stay alone than date just for the sake of dating.

The concept originally began as a personality type. Among a diverse group of people who identified with it (married, single, divorced, or widowed) soon grew to become something more.

A new, articulated set of ideas on relationships expressed through vocabulary: quirkyalone, quirkyslut, and quirkytogether (the quirkyalone way of being in a long term romantic relationship).

Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. Although quirkyalones enjoy solitude, and sometimes even need and crave it, they are not loners. They typically have a strong network of friends and most place a high premium on friendship. Some have even been known to bring friends on dates!

They are part of a growing population in our society who live full and fun lives without feeling the need for a formal material relationship. In fact many quirkyalones see no reason to date for the purpose of sex. Their approach to being with others has more to do with friendship without the need for a primary relationship. It’s their desire for independence, for any number of reasons, which precludes the necessity for a “significant other” in their lives.

It also spawned a holiday. International Quirkyalone Day (February 14, of course!) is a Do-It-Yourself celebration of romance, friendship, and independent spirit.
As the term’s use becomes more frequent in our culture, other terms such as “old maid”, “spinster,” and “confirmed bachelor” are facing extinction. However, even though this new all-inclusive term stands a good chance of catching on.

Whether it’s their need to invest themselves in a career or a mindset that simply cannot see themselves in a marital relationship, the message to the rest of us is that they should be both understood and accepted.

ARE YOU A “QUIRKYALONE?”

Always wondered why you like to be by yourself and why the opposite gender just doesn’t interest you anymore? Answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the following questions to see how quirkyalone you are.

1) You have a talent for self-reflection.

2) You’re excited about a successful, interesting life with or without a mate.

3) You create and maintain chosen clusters of friends.

4) You see life as a big choose-your-own-adventure kind of thing.

5) You support the idea of dating but not necessarily for the purpose of sex.

6) You prefer solitude to a relationship where you have to restrain n essential part of yourself.

7) You have a general compulsion to leave a mark on culture or society, to express yourself either through art, business, literature, or even social activism.

You recognise the ways society dictates happiness, primarily through romantic love, and believe this approach to a human failing.

9) You have had a taste or glimpse of a great relationship/encounter, which intensified your desire to be open to a similar experience again.

10) Your talent to deconstruct of love songs is equal only to your vulnerability to them.

Answers:

0 to 3 “Yes” responses: Sorry, but you’re not a quirkyalone. You should sign up with an Internet dating service right now and dig out all the singles in your area.

4 to 6 “Yes” responses: You are a borderline quirkyalone. This means that you may still want to live with another almost quirkyalone and be a quirkyalone couple or might just want to sleep in your own room while your significant other sleeps in his/her own room.

7 to 10 “Yes” responses: You are definitely a quirkyalone. Instead of romancing another person, you will spend your life romancing life for all it’s worth. Along with a growing segment of a society who are committed to remaining single, you now can refer to everyone like yourself using one single word.

About the Author:

Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and he enjoys writing dating articles, relationship articles. Also he holds a website Love-Lectures.com, where you can find more about him and his popular write-ups. Also don’t forget to check out - Free Love Compatibility Test & Relationship Quiz - as a unique and fun-filled approach to find solution to all your relationship issues & problems.

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Love means having to say you’re sorry: If you make a mistake by doing or saying something that is damaging to the relationship, say that you’re sorry. Many people struggle with these words, even when they know that what they did was wrong. It actually takes a strong person to apologize.

Be yourself: Don’t be phoney in your relationship, trying to be someone or something different as a way to please your mate. For a relationship to work, both people need to be themselves and react to things naturally.

Maintain your health: Having a good relationship means having the energy to enjoy getting out and doing things together. To do that, it’s important to eat right. When people are tired, they become short-tempered. For this reason, it is important to get the right amount of sleep. Good exercise keeps your body in shape for being adventurous together.

Compliment a lot: Be generous with compliments. It’s very common for people to notice something nice about another person and think about it internally, but never voice it. When in a relationship, compliments are like glue. They hold the couples attention and respect. Make sure your compliments are genuine.

Realistic expectations: No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect. Be careful about putting someone on a pedestal, especially in the early stages of your relationship. Ensure that the expectations you have for your mate and yourself are realistic.

There are going to be differences in opinion, and probably some dis-agreements. Also, do not assume that your mate knows how you feel or what you think about something. When discussing something important to you, ensure that you both understand the same thing.

The reality is that neither one of you is going to know exactly what the other one exactly needs. As long as you do not expect them to read your mind and accept that this is a part of getting to know one another and communicating, you will be fine.

How to repair a bad relationship - Helps you fix a bad relationship.

How to start a new relationship - Tips to help you start a new relationship.

Visit Online Love Relationship Advice for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship.

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It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you are in. Expectations on the part of the people in the relationship play a large part in determining the health of that relationship.
Take an employee-employer relationship for example. An employee that does not live up to what his employer expects will likely find himself fired.

The same dynamic is in full effect in our romantic relationships. Say your date is expecting you to take her our to a nice dinner. Hopefully you didn’t mean diner, because she will be disappointed, and that can be a problem.

Where do expectations come from ? They come from a variety of places. When it comes to romantic relationships a common driving force is what I call a person’s “inventory of experiences.” Much of this comes from what a person observed of their parent(s) growing up. Even in this day if a man grew up in a home with a father that didn’t help around the house, he may expect to come home and leave the housework to his spouse. If his wife grew up in a two career home where the father took an active role in the household chores she may expect the husband to do likewise. Obviously if these different expectations are important enough to one or both members of the couple this can be a major problem !

In a business relationship if a merchant has a hard-line about his 30 day return policy, it can be a problem for a customer who has an expectation that the merchant will resolve any problem he has with the product.

Expectations are probably the biggest danger when two people in a relationship have conflicting expectations. In this situation one person or the other has to give up all or most of what they expect. This can be hard for someone to do. Take our example couple above. If he expects to do no housework, and she expects him to do half, he is not willing to do any, and half may be her minimum. This leaves little room for compromise. The consequences for their relationship can be severe.

In the case of conflicting expectations a great deal of maturity may be required of one or both people in the relationship. One or both parties will have to decide that the relationship is more important than their expectation.

Next time you are in a relationship that is showing some strain, try to see if the other side is expecting something different than you. If so try to understand why they expect things to go differently. Wherever possible put your relationship before any of your expectations. Your relationships will be stronger for it !

Robert A. Crutchfield is president of Kingdom Relationship Ministries. He is a minister, public speaker, and success/relationships coach.He holds the Competent Leader Award from Toastmasters International, and is a Brainbench Certified Trainer. He is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Visit him online at http://www.kingdomrelationships.org.

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Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 5, 2004

I was married for 21 years to a man who enjoyed strip clubs, drinking, and his buddies. These things became important to him after we married, and part of his job as an undercover cop. He often brought home pictures of himself with strippers to show me.

Throughout our marriage I took care of our two children, the household, and worked full-time without a contribution from him beside his paycheck. I tried to talk to him because we never spent time together, he did not support me as a wife and mother, and I needed more from him as his wife.

Things did not improve. They continued to deteriorate . Our marriage relationship ceased to exist. Months before I left him, I tried to talk one more time and told him, “If this is all there is, I don’t want any more.” All he said was, “Stop crying and come to bed.”

Seven years ago, when our children were 20 and 17, I left him. I felt they were old enough now. They would better understand that we did not love each other and I stayed because of them. I was also tired of being verbally abused on a regular basis by my son.

My children could not understand my feelings. I was and still am seen as the villain for destroying their “family.” Even though I was on my own at the time, my ex-husband told my children he caught me in bed with someone, which was very destructive of my relationship with my children. He also told them that my best friend and I were lesbians.

Neither story was true. To this day my son thinks I was unfaithful to his father and keeps inferring that is why I left and that his father had no fault in the divorce.

I eventually met a wonderful man, and we have been happily married for two years. I love him more than anything, and he loves and respects me like I’ve never been.

Rachael

Rachael, Harry Chapin’s song “Cat’s in the Cradle” is about a son who follows his father’s not-very-good example. One day, after the father talks on the phone with his son, the older man has a realization. He says, “As I hung up the phone it occurred to me, he’d grown up just like me. Yeah, my boy was just like me.”

So you stayed for the children, and you wound up with a son like your husband. All blanket rules have exceptions, and the exception to “stay for the sake of the children” occurs when the other parent’s example is a detriment to the child.

As a police officer, your former husband knows better than to destroy a mother’s image in the eyes of her children. His lies reveal everything about who he is as a person. Unfortunately, staying bolstered your ex-husband’s assertions. How bad a husband could he be if you stayed so long? That’s his argument.

Your son’s perceptions have been twisted by his father. He may be trying to win his dad’s praise by torturing you, or he may be manipulating you into trying to win his love. Or perhaps he is simply acting out of defensiveness. He may think, if mom stayed with someone who abused her because of me, that makes me complicit. I’d rather believe dad’s story.

When we do something we believe is wrong for the benefit of others, we cannot expect things to turn out well. A mother teaches a girl what kind of woman to be and what kind of wife to be. A father teaches a boy what kind of man to be and what kind of husband to be.

In Harry Chapin’s tune, the son says, “I’m gonna be like you, Dad. You know I’m gonna be like you.” That can have wonderful results or disastrous results depending on who we are as parents.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

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