After years of relationships lasting anywhere from a few days to a few years, ranging from the sex-based to the love-based to the misnamed friendships to the what-was-I-thinking, some taking place entirely online, one where I moved in with the person (and most anything in between), I have decided that it is time to really take a look at what the perfect woman and perfect relationship are made of. And, if you’re reading this right now, I know you want that to as well.

So, how are we going to do that?

First, we need to decide what worked (and what didn’t) in all those relationships. Think about anything (small and large) that you liked and didn’t like about all those not-so-perfect people you were with before… think about things that you find yourself wanting and about things you don’t care too much about, but would be nice to have in a person, anyway.

Here are a random few of the things from my list (in absolutely no order):

The good:
Likes gardening (and lets me do the weeding)
Can and will be emotionally supportive of me
Wears the same size clothes as I do

The bad:
Wants to be with me only when I’m with someone else
Only wants sex
Is scared of holding hands in public

Next, we need to see how important each of these qualities really are… and remember: honestly is crucial here! I can tell you there are things on my list that I think shouldn’t be important… but I can’t deny that really they are for me. For example, I cannot be in a relationship with someone who misuses/mispronounces words … over and over again.

It is only at this point that we have any chance of finding (and knowing we found) a great potential partner… because now we can say we know ourselves and our wants and needs.

The next step is living. That shouldn’t be too hard, right? In the process of living and doing what you like, there are opportunities to meet people every day. Maybe one of those will turn into something special.
The worst relationships I (and my friends) have been in, are those that began when looking for a date. And those near-perfect ones: they just snuck up on all of us… blossoming from a shared interest.

Now, I’ve gotta get out and live! There are people to meet!

Jamie Specht is a 22-year-old author on http://www.Writing.Com/
which is a site for Creative Writers.

Share This

Well, Mother’s Day is coming up on us again. Are you ready to “WOW” your mom with a show of thanks and gratitude? Will you honestly remember what motherhood is all about and what she did for you? To prepare you for adulthood, the stresses of life, teaching you how to make lemon-aide out of lemons.

Some say the Mother’s Day is too commercialized now, but what was it really for to begin with? Originally conceived by Julia Ward Howe after the American Civil War as a day honoring (in her opinion) the inherent pacifism of mothers, Mother’s Day now simply celebrates motherhood and thanks mothers.

The first Mother’s Day as we would recognize it was celebrated in Grafton, West Virginia, on May 10, 1908, in the church where the elder Anna Jarvis had taught Sunday School. Grafton is the home to the International Mother’s Day Shrine. From there, the custom caught on spreading eventually to 45 states. Finally the holiday was declared officially by states beginning in 1912, and in 1914 the President, Woodrow Wilson, declared the first national Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day is a busy time of year for mail in many countries. In 1973, the U.S. Postal Service was held up for eight days because of the number of letters and cards.

Here are just a few quotes from people that we have heard of but never thought to have a mother. They honored their mothers with these wonderful and memorable words about motherhood.

James Fenton: The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint

Oliver Wendell Holmes: The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms

Abraham Lincoln: I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.

Chinese Proverb: There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.

Remember mom, she was the world to you in your childhood, the weirdo in your youth and the guide in your adulthood. She is “Mom.”

Nicola Kennedy has enjoyed some great Mother’s Days, both as a grateful mom and a loving daughter. She can help you find great Mother’s Day gifts with tips and news, information and views at http://www.I-Love-My-Mom.com

This article may be reprinted in full so long as the resource box and the live links are included intact. All rights reserved. Copyright http://www.I-Love-My-Mom.com

Share This

Love may be blind but lovers should not always be blind to the misdemeanors of their loved ones especially when it already involves cheating. The spouse who has cheated on his partner may consider it just a harmless fling or a fleeting affair but no matter the degree of relationship he has had with another, it is still called cheating.

Cheating is the worst form of misconduct a spouse can commit against his partner as it is already consider a betrayal of the vows they took when they got married. The discovery of the act of cheating by the other spouse can either break the marriage or make it stronger depending on the strength of their love for one another.

No matter how two people love each other, their humanity and imperfection could not keep them from committing mistakes and hurting the other. Most people who cheat say they did not intend to cheat and to hurt the other spouse. The usual alibi is, it was not planned, it just happened.

While most people would want their relationships to be open, no one really wants to be told that he is being cheated upon. A spouse expects honesty from the other, but can he afford to accept the truth especially when it involves the deception of the other?

A person who suspects a cheating spouse would at first be in a state of denial. Of course, this is a normal reaction because no person wants to believe that the other spouse can cheat on him or her. The self denial goes on until such time when the little clues and the white lies become distinct and glaring that the spouse being cheated upon can no longer bear to keep the discovery to himself.

Tips on catching a cheating spouse

If you already suspect your spouse of cheating on you and you want to catch him, the best course of action is to keep quiet and not give the cheating spouse any hint of your suspicion. It will hurt to act like a stupid spouse but this attitude will allow your partner to be more careless about his deception .Never make an accusation unless you have solid evidence of your spouse’s deception.

You must act dumb but keep your eyes open for any mistake your spouse may commit along the way. If you used to be so trusting that you never keep tab of your spouse’s activities, now you should be more vigilant and observant. Little things like your spouse’s hush conversations on the phone or wrong numbers should be looked into.

Be wary of the times when your spouse has to go on trips without you. Always check his pockets for any clue like receipts, notes written on tissue paper or hotel matches. You should make unscheduled trips to your spouse’s office with the alibi that you want to join him for lunch.

This may sound preposterous but if you have the password to your spouse’s email, then check his mails in a public computer or internet shop. If the spouse is a cell phone user, then check on the sent, inbox and draft boxes of his phone. You never know what you are going to find. Or when you call your spouse, do not shut off the phone after your conversation. Sometimes, cell phones are not immediately shut off by the user and you can still listen to what is being said on the other line.

Also check for any change in the attitude of your spouse towards you. A spouse who suddenly becomes caring and who suddenly remembers birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions can be a philandering spouse. This attitude results from any guilty your spouse may have towards you because of his cheating.

If your spouse starts to be more irritable and who makes it a point to fight you on any issue may just be looking for a good opportunity to get away from the house without being suspected. It can also be your spouse’s way of countering guilty feelings. A spouse who is cheating will most probably neglect some marital duties to the innocent spouse and the children.

Getting a confirmation that your spouse is indeed having an affair can be hurtful and can lead to insecurity and depression. However, it is better to confront your suspicions before everything becomes too late and you can no longer save your marriage and your self esteem.

For the most guarded secrets that private investigators use to catch cheating spouse, please visit http://www.catch-a-cheating-spouse.info/

Share This

Every so often, I will hear a relationship speaker claim that they have never had a fight or problem in their marriage. My response to such a claim is that the person is either

1) lying or

2) certainly can’t relate to me.

All love relationships have their share of problems, or to use the popular phrase, all relationships have issues.

In general, relationship issues can be divided into two categories:

solvable and unsolvable.

Solvable relationship problems

Solvable relationship problems are generally related to the needs you have in a relationship. An unmet need leads to a problem or issue. Some relationship needs are emotional needs and some are called functional needs. An emotional need is what you need to feel in order to feel loved in a relationship. A functional need is what you need for your life to work in a way that fits for you while in a relationship.

The good news is that needs are negotiable, and there are lots of ways to meet a need. The way to tell if something is a need for you or not, is that if it were not met, you would experience an issue every time. So meeting needs are very important, and are the difference between being happy or unhappy in a relationship.

Unsolvable relationship problems

Unsolvable relationship problems are generally related to what are called your requirements. Whether you are aware of it or not, whether you know them or not, you do have non-negotiable requirements. These requirements have to be met in order for a relationship to work for you. If even one of these requirements is missing the relationship will not work for you.

Requirements are relationship breakers. The problem is that we often treat our requirements as factors that are negotiable. They are not. Or we go into a relationship where we know an important factor does not exist, yet believe, hope or rationalize (rational lies) that somehow this will change once we get married.

For example, I once worked with a client who had a requirement that she have children. When she married her husband, he was ambivalent at best about children. She hoped he would change his mind. He didn’t. The marriage ended. This is a great example of a non-negotiable requirement, because you cannot have half a child.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Share This

I often hear people scoff at women for staying in an abusive situation. They don’t understand why anyone would stay. It doesn’t seem that hard to leave. Just walk out the door. Surely they haven’t lost the capability of turning a doorknob and walking out?! I understand their disbelief. With all of the available programs for abused women, it seems they have many options. But maybe it’s not as clear-cut as it seems from the outside.

As a person who has been in that situation, I can shed some light on the reasons a woman may have for staying. Sometimes it sneaks up on you. It’s one instance of abuse in an otherwise good relationship. It mounts little by little and you make excuses that they aren’t really being abusive, things just got out of hand. It doesn’t happen all the time and you wonder if you’re blowing things out of proportion. Others have it worse. Finally it comes to a point where someone notices and points out to you that it’s not normal, you shouldn’t have to live that way and you realize… you are in an abusive relationship. The kind you see on TV, or in the movies, or read about, but it’s your life and you wonder how you got there.

From this point of realization, the battle begins. Not an external battle, that still continues, but the internal battle of the self-derision, the shame, and the internal questions. How could I let myself get into this situation? What will people think when they find out? Your whole self-perception shifts. I once thought of myself as a strong, educated woman, but if I’m in an abusive situation, so I must be weak. It’s one thing to admit your weakness to yourself, but totally different to admit it to others.

Pride comes into play at this point. You don’t want your family, friends, and co-workers to think less of you. Hell, you don’t want to think less of yourself! This is where many women are stuck. They can’t come to terms with their own weakness, seeing it as a negative instead of a fact of life. We all have frailties and we are stronger if we recognize this in ourselves and accept it as part of who we are.

Some people stay in these relationships because they have nobody in their lives to point out that it isn’t “normal” and they can choose another life. Others stay because they can’t get past the emotions long enough to get themselves together and out the door. It’s not as easy as just turning the doorknob and taking the step outside. First you must come to terms with the fact that you are abused. Next, admitting to yourself and others that you a human and, as such, have human frailties. Finally, you may need help to get out. Depending on the level of abuse, this could be difficult. Most abusers isolate their victim. They have little contact with the outside world and are kept to a tight schedule. Finding an opportunity to contact help could be difficult, but not impossible.

Women need to realize they are not lesser beings because they’ve been abused. They need to come to terms with it and find a way out. If you or someone you know is in this situation, there is help available. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for further information (http://www.ndvh.org/).

Sonia Fischer is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/ which is a site for Writers.

Share This