No one is born romantic. But like most things in life, being romantic is something that can be learned. Although romantic gestures may seem like they come easily to some people that is only because they’ve had lots of practice and because they are in tune with what motivates the opposite sex. Because that’s all that is involved. Being romantic involves finding out what your partner wants (not what they need!), and then finding a unique way to meet those needs. Pretty simple, huh?

Let’s get one thing cleared up first. Being romantic isn’t about some grand extravagant gesture like flying first class to Paris for a 2 week romantic blitz. It’s about the little things. Little things are simple things that you do for your loved one. Despite the fact that they are “little” they can mean a lot because it illustrates that you took time out of your busy life just to show them how much you care.

One thing that most people want, male and female, is to feel special and loved. It’s how you show them that you love them, where the challenge comes in. Some people feel loved when they are told repeatedly that they are loved. Others feel loved when they are touched frequently. And others see love in gestures and everyday kindnesses. Of course, there are others that may need all three of the above to really feel loved and secure but usually there is one need that dominates. You need to find out what your partner needs and then you can begin working out what method you will use to romance them.

Not sure what your loved one prefers? Do an experiment or three and see how they respond? You’ll very quickly work it out.

What can you do if your loved one wants to hear how much you love them? You need to tell them. But don’t just tell them and have it coming off like some kind of rote response to hello or goodbye or please pass the pepper. Think about different ways you can get your message across. You could:

. Post them a good old fashioned love letter

. Send a romantic email

. Text them a love message

. Place a love note somewhere it will be found easily, in their car or lunch bag or under their pillow or taped to the phone receiver or their computer

. For the kid in all of us! Use multi-colored, sidewalk chalk to draw a BIG heart in red and write “I love you” in the middle of the heart. Do this someplace prominent like your driveway so that when your partner comes home they will see it right away.

. Make a long list of the many reasons why you love your partner and have the list framed and present it to them.

. If you don’t live together, call your loved one just to say goodnight and recite a favorite love poem over the phone.

. Give your loved one a compliment, about how great they look or what their smile does to you

If your loved one needs regular physical contact to feel loved you can:

. Give them a massage - backs and feet at the end of a work week is always well received!

. Keep in physical contact as often as you can, for example, when watching TV together, eating dinner (it doesn’t just have to be hands, you can make sure your feet or legs are touching)

. Give them random hugs

. Put your arm around your loved one in public

. Hold hands as you walk side by side

. Cuddle up in your pj’s and watch a romantic movie together

. Make sure you kiss them when you get home and kiss before you leave

If your actions speak louder than words for your loved one then you’ll want to focus on gestures that express your feelings. You can try:

. While your partner showers, heat up his or her towel in the dryer.

. Have flowers delivered to partner at work.

. Surprise your partner by arriving home with their favorite drink, snack, or ice-cream.

. Arrange for an intimate lunch date with your partner. Then afterward, send a virtual card. Tell them how much you enjoyed lunch together.

. Call your partner in the middle of the day to discuss your romantic plans for that evening.

. Write your own love coupon offering an hour of your time as their personal love slave.

. Cook a favorite meal for your partner and then eat it, slowly, by candlelight.

. Pick a bouquet of wild flowers and present them with a kiss.

. Call spontaneously at their work to say “I am thinking of you.”

If they like all of the above then you can really go wild and mix it all up together. The only limit is your own imagination and the desire to make it happen.

If you’re wanting help to write that special love letter, email, text or note then check out Jill Brennan’s range of easy-to-use love templates. Use them as is or incorporate them into your own unique letters. To find out more visit the love letter website.

Share This

Each relationship is as unique as a fingerprint. And so is each person’s love language - the specific ways a person feels love and cared for. Go beyond the typical flowers and chocolate, and discover the actual gestures that convey to your sweetie your love for him or her. This article will give you some concrete ways to determine you and your spouse’s love language so you can keep the flames of passion burning year round!
What’s Your Love Language?

Special anniversaries and holidays shine a spotlight on our love relationship, and is the time we often make gestures of love and appreciation. However, long-lasting love is not about one day of gestures. Real life romance is fueled by the small daily gestures that have you feel cared for and connected to one another.
In his book, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” Gary Chapman identifies 5 general categories of expressing and experiencing love. The “Five Love Languages” are:

1. Acts of Service - doing things that serve your spouse, helping them through an activity.
2. Physical Intimacy - touch, affection, sexual expression.
3. Words of Affirmation - using words that build up your spouse through encouragement and appreciation.
4. Gifts - receiving items that indicate someone cares and is thinking about you.
5. Quality Time - spending time together in which your primary focus is on each other, enjoying each other.

Odds are that in the beginning of your relationship you touched on all the love languages - you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, you told your sweetie how great he or she was, wrote emails and little love notes, you counted the days until you’d see each other again, you bought little thoughtful gifts, and you did your best to be of help in some way.

Now that your relationship has progressed, you’re most likely to express your love in the way that makes YOU feel the most loved and cared for - which is like trying to speak Russian to the locals when you’re in China! The important thing to remember is to communicate your love in the language that your partner speaks.

Most people think, “If you loved me, you’d spend more time with me.”(or “take out the trash, make me dinner, hug and kiss me, buy me flowers,” etc). “You should know — I shouldn’t have to tell you!” But with love languages that’s exactly what you need to do - speak honestly, and tell each other about which gestures and actions make you feel loved.

Steps for Cracking the Love Language Code

The first step is to become curious about your spouse versus thinking you know everything about him or her. Next, be willing to be vulnerable by speaking up about what makes each of YOU feel most loved and cared for.
To decode your love languages, spend some time pondering the questions below and each of you write down your individual responses to the questions on separate pieces of paper.

Then, get together to share your lists, and discuss what might be each of your top two Love Languages, the behaviors that absolutely need to be present in your relationship to feel cared for.
See if you can come up with 8-10 specific responses to each question. (Questions adapted from Harville Hendrix’s Getting the Love You Want.)

1. The things my spouse does now that make me feel loved and cared for are: (Examples: pays for dinner, makes me coffee, cheers me on, kisses me
   goodnight, holds my hand when we walk, makes me laugh, takes me away on special vacations)
2. When we first got together, some of the things my spouse did that had me feel loved and cared for were: (Examples: wrote me loving emails, brought
   me flowers, whispered sexy things in my ear, made love to me more than once a day, called me on the phone just to say how crazy you were about me,
   cooked dinner for me)
3. Think of some loving and caring behaviors that you have always wanted but never asked for; things you’ve either dreamed of or experienced in the past.
   Wherever possible, be specific about your request. Don’t hold back. (Examples: massage me for 30 minutes without stopping, wash each other in the
   bath tub, buy me some nice jewelry, act out a sexual fantasy with me (be specific), plan a surprise day or trip for us)

To really rekindle the flames of passion, exchange lists with your partner and spontaneously fulfill one or more desires from your partner’s list each day for the next month. Begin with the ones that are easiest for you to do.

When your partner does a caring act for you, be sure to acknowledge it with an appreciative comment. These are gifts to you, not obligations. Let yourself truly discover the joy of giving and receiving love.

When you take the steps to genuinely understand and act on the unique ways your partner feels loved and cared for, you’ll re-ignite your passion for each other and keep love alive well beyond the special holiday of the moment!

(c) 2006 Kira McGovern, The Big Groove

Kira McGovern, CPCC is at the forefront of the relationship systems coaching movement. Kira is nationally known for her dynamic and down-to-earth approach guiding individuals and partnerships of all kinds to reach their full potential and expression in the world. She creates breakthroughs for her clients to find new possibilities in work, love and life. Kira works with clients across the globe via telephone and has offices in Arlington Center, MA. Contact her through her website: http://www.TheBigGroove.com

Share This

In this article I would like to bring up a problem that many players encounter in their early days of the game, a problem that can either be devastating to your game and life for a while, or just a minor setback. Many people learn this the hard way, but you can prevent it if you pay attention for the next few minutes.

“Pedestaling” Is the term I use for when you put a girl on a pedestal in your mind, and start to think she is absolutley perfect. When you start to have feelings for her and get nervous around her, and hope she is attracted to you, because you are dependant on her. The consequences of this situation can be devastating, so I am going to help you become aware of the symptoms, how it gradually develops, and then how to become aware of it and prevent the situation from happening ever again.

Putting a girl on a pedestal in your mind usually happens when you first meet her, and get alot of positive signs and flirting from her. You met a girl at school or maybe in a club, the place doesn’t matter. You approached her and all went well, you got some positive signs and closed with her number, maybe you even set up a date with her. You come home that night and absolutley cannot stop thinking about her, and thinking about all the things she did, ging over her actions in your mind trying to decide whether she likes you or not. She may not have been perfect, I guarantee flaws in one way or another, but nevertheless when you think about her you begin to imagine perfection. After thinking about her some more, you start to feel nervous when you think about her. You want to call her and talk to her so you can be reassured that she is still attracted to you. Soon you become dependent on her and really start to obsess over her. These actions cause you to be nervous around her, and start being nice and giving in to her demands. You forget all your skills you learned and can hardly think when you are around her. The guy with rock solid game and confidence tht she met a week back at the club has returned to his former AFC self, without realizing he did it. Realizing that her attraction to you has disappeared, she finds a new guy who fits her desires. When you realize she is not attracted to you, you snap and become angry at her, and she leaves you forever to be with the guy who outgamed you. Now you cannot stop thinking about her and how perfect she was, and that you cannot ever have her back, and it was all your fault. Not all cases of pedestaling are that severe, but it can be that severe, and leave you depressed and frustrated for months. Almost a year ago, that was how I experienced it, and it wasnt pretty, but it motivated me to become much better with women.

So now that we know how pedestaling happens, lets look at what caused this to happen and how we can prevent before it ever starts. The first mistake came the night you met her. When you go out to meet girls, try to have at least a few other options on stand by at the time, and conecntrate on each of them at the same time. If you are just starting out and don’t have a bunch of girls, make sure you hit on multiple girls the night you go out to pick them up, instead of being satisfied with one. If you go for multiple girls in the same night and they see it, it will also make them jealous and their attraction for you will increase. This will keep you from concentrating all your game on one girl, and developing “one-itis”, where she is the only girl you pay attention to when you just met her and the attraction isn’t shared. When you are in the beggining stages of developing connections with girls, try to be dating or trying to gain the attraction of multiple girls at the same time and have many options. If you are trying to start a relationship with the girl keep options open until the deal is sealed and you two are exclusive. When you meet the girl at the club, just get to know her a little bit and then close it with her number, don’t linger for too long. Go and meet multiple girls that night so you have more than one girl on your mind when you go home, or better yet have something besides girls on your mind.

The next mistake made was thinking the girl was perfect. No matter how hot she was, (and she should have been hot, you don’t have to settle for someone that you aren’t attracted in some way to) she has flaws, she is not perfect, your mind just made her out to be perfect. Notice the flaws in her appearance, personality, anything you can see, there is always something, you just have to open your eyes to see it. If you have trouble finding any (I have seen girls with no major physical flaws), then just look at her as if you are superior, as if you are the prize, and she has to impress you and work for your affection, and that you arent playing games or waiting around, and that you are the master of the game’s women play, and she has no chance of messing with you, and that choosing another guy over you would be the wrong choice.

The next mistake was being dependant on her, and caring what she thinks. Why would a girl like you the night you guys met, and then gradually lose her attraction for you as you guys started dating, while yours for her only increased? The answer to that question would be that you were a different person when you first met her. When you first met her you were layed back and confident, and didn’t really give a f**k, then as time progressed you became a chump all over again. Even after you have met the girl date other girls and have alot of options, because you never know whether she will be attracted to you or not, and keep alot of girls in reserve, so you don’t become dependant, because you never know what will happen. Hell, even if you are in an exclusive relationship and do not want to cheat, still make sure you always have girls in reserve, and are always meeting new ones, because life is unpredictable. Dont constantly think about her, try to have other things on your mind and go out and do things to get your mind off of women in general. Let her call you and talk to you, let her know you are independent and don’t need her.

If you find out she isn’t attracted to you, don’t go off on her, just brush it off and act like nothing happened and you don’t need her, and also don’t settle for any of that “We can still be friends” bullcrap they give you, cause that won’t work out, just remove them from your life, because if no attraction is there, you shouldn’t eb sticking around with her. You should be fine if it doesn’t work out because you have tons of girls that would die to have you, right? You are the man, and any girl would be lucky to be able to enjoy your company, so go out and play the field, and get your mind off her. If you do those things, then she will be out of your mind in no time. If you followed the steps, then next time you won’t put her on a pedestal to begin with. There is a fine line between being in a relationship and being obsessed. You can be in a relationship and still be a player about it.

Most people have to learn the lesson I just explained the hard way, but if you can prevent this situation from happening, you can save yourself alot of time, trouble, and anger. Just don’t become dependant on a girl, always know she is not perfect, and she is lucky to have you.

Brought to you by:
SuperMan
www.overnightplayer.com

Share This

How many women have men in their lives that they know they need to just let go? I raise my hand because I am guilty as sin. I have this man in my life that I had been dating for almost two years now. I don’t even know why he’s in my life. Our relationship is doomed from the beginning.

I love this man and that’s the only reason, of course. I also want someone in my life so I keep him around for protection of my heart, but the brother isn’t working out. He’s just not getting it.

When I get into a relationship I look for many things:

1. A good conversationalist.
2. A man who can make me laugh.

3. An unconditional man.

4. An intelligent man.

5. A romantic man.

6. A man who has no wife hidden in the shadows.

7. An honest man.

8. A man that wants to please his woman.

9. A man that likes to go to the beach, the movies, and just romantic things.

10. A man I can depend on in my time of need.

11. A man I can talk to about anything and everything.

12. A man I can share my innermost and dark secrets with.

13. A man I can grow old with.

14. An older man who turns me on.

15. A man who wants to get married along the way.

16. A working man.

17. A man with similar goals in mine.

18. A man who believes in my dreams and vice versa.

19. A faithful man.

20. A man who trusts me.

21. A man who loves me.

22. An affectionate man.

23. A passionate man.

My current boyfriend does not have these traits, and I mean does not have any of them. I’d have to say from the beginning he shared some of the twenty-three (23) things listed on this list, but now he is taking me for granted.

Number 1 he could talk for hours about himself. He had stories to tell and he needed someone to listen to every one of them.

Number 2 was why I ended up giving him my telephone number. He made me laugh from the minute our eyes met. I thought he was full of shit, but he made me laugh and I ran with it.

Number 3 was the main ingredient why I also gave him my telephone number. He told me that I looked good. I knew this could have been a line, but the way he was staring at me, I knew he meant every word of it. I wasn’t petite, so this was a plus sign for me. I really liked him because of the fact that he was an unconditional man. I didn’t have to be skinny to row his boat.

Number 10 worked for me because anything and everything that I needed he came through for me. When I used my entire paycheck for bills, I always had something in my pocket because he made sure of that. I could truly depend on him which made me fall hopelessly in love with him.

I believe I was going to grow older with this man. Number 13 gave me hope. He was about ten years older than me, but he had this aura about himself, and age didn’t mean anything to me. I kept seeing us in our seventies and eighties still together and it was a horrific picture being so old, but it rang my bell, and then some. I didn’t want to grow old alone. I wanted a mate in my life. I thought it was him.

I should have known our relationship was doomed from the beginning because he didn’t trust me, and I didn’t trust him. I was faithful to him, but I have a feeling that he was playing on me. He had the audacity not to trust me, and accused me of doing every man in Chicago and then some. I figured he was the one feeling guilty and accused me of sleeping around when the deed was on him.

How could you honestly be in a relationship with someone if you don’t trust them? The relationship is over, and it’s time to move on. These, of course were the warning signs in my relationship, but as most of us desperate women do, we ignore the signs because we want the man, and he’s not even a ten. So far, he’s a two in my book.

Number 23 describes him from the beginning. He was very passionate for me, and he couldn’t get enough of me. I liked that in him, but along the way his health became an issue, and I was lucky enough to get a kiss from him. I believed he was too busy banging another woman, that she was getting all his passionate and affectionate side.

These are the signs of just letting him go. Why couldn’t I let him go?

He wasn’t number 5 at all. The man didn’t have a romantic bone in his body. Now that should have been a turn off for me right from the start. I had no business giving him my telephone number when he wasn’t in the romance game. If I had listened to that sign, then I wouldn’t be in this mess I am in now. If he is not romantic enough then it’s time to let him go. It’s time to move on. I shook my head and ignored the signs because I just wasn’t moving on.

Maybe number 14 was a turn off. Did I need someone older in my life? Maybe a younger woman would have sufficed for me? I didn’t give it a chance because he knew how to turn on the charm. My man had it going on and then some. He had taken a class in conning a woman, and he had passed with flying colors. My man was able to get a certificate, associate degree, bachelor’s degree, and his masters in the evolution of conning women 101. I should have taken this class also, and then I would have been one up on him.

I went through my issues, but the camel that broke the horse’s back was Number 10. I was short on cash, and I needed a ride home from work. It was after midnight, and my bus stopped running. I thought my daughter was picking me up, but she had car trouble, and couldn’t get to me. I knew I’d get home so I called my boyfriend. I never thought he wasn’t going to come through for me.

I told him the situation with my daughter and that I was literally stranded at work. He complained about the police, and his breaks, and everything under the sun. I was stunned beyond words when he wouldn’t come and get me. I couldn’t believe it. I would have to spend the night at work, and this man didn’t give a damn. I thought I was going to die from heartbreak.

This man I had spent almost two years of my life wouldn’t take a chance on me. I knew if one of his family members called, or his friends, he’d be in the car so fast, his head would stop spinning, which was why I got so angry with him. Suffice to say he didn’t come and get me, and I was able to get a ride with one of my co-workers. I had to keep from weeping in the car because I was so upset.

I was in love with this man, and the fact that he wouldn’t get off his fat ass and make sure that the woman he proclaimed to love got home safety was an eye-opener to me. When I did get home, I wept for the misery I was feeling. I realized that I had been wasting a lot of time with this man. He really didn’t give a damn about me. It was time to kick him to the curve; dump the bastard; curse his ass out, and then slam the phone down in his face. It was time to let him go.

Of course when I got home he had called my home phone about five times making sure that I got home. Why in the world would you care if you didn’t make sure I got home? I called him back because I wanted to hear his excuses again, and he had plenty. I didn’t buy any of them. I knew this man, and I watched him get out of the bed and go pick up strangers in the middle of the night. What was wrong with this scenario?

He had the nerve to come at me with the fact that he had been going through a depression of financial problems, and I should be more understanding. I told the bastard to have a nice life, but I was no longer a part of his life, and our relationship was over. I told him to fuck off! If he didn’t give a damn about me getting home, then he didn’t give a hoot about me. I let him go.

The pain was literally killing me as the days passed, but I had my pride. I knew I couldn’t depend on this man for anything, and I didn’t need him in my life. This thought kept me going for the lonely days ahead. Four days later he had the nerve to call me with the same plight—-I have a lot of financial problems, and I need support. He left this message on my cell phone voice mail, and I was thrilled because I thought I’d melt and go back to him, but this time I kept my pride in check. Our relationship was officially over when you left me stranded at work. I would never forget this for the duration of my life. There’s nothing you could ever say to me to make this right. It’s over!

So listen women out there. The true test is getting into a life and death situation and seeing if he’s going to bail you out. The man you’re giving your body too; the man you love with your heart and soul. If he can’t rescue you in a time of need, then do the right thing and LET HIM GO! The self-respect and pain just isn’t worth it. LET HIM GO!

I am 43 years old, and I live in Oak Lawn, IL a suburb of Chicago. I love writing and reading which is my passion, and I am a new author of I CONFESS and EVERYTHING AND MORE. Please check out my website at http://www.freewebs.com/jcarolann and take a ride with me.

Share This

One of the most underrated concepts that most people
overlook is approaching life from an empathetic standpoint.

Despite our best intentions, it is not always that we live by
this ethical code that is deeply embedded in all of us.

Much of my writings are geared to logical approaches to a
an overwhelming world and this is definitely no exception.
I don’t want to underestimate the importance of this
concept because I feel it is so extremely powerful.

It is quite intriguing to me that this world is made up of so
many beautiful, yet so many diluted and unscrupulous,
minds. Obviously, people are not born with certain
personality deficiencies, as much of it is learned behaviors.

To intimately understand and comprehend another’s
feelings, thoughts, and motives is much of what empathy
resonates.

However, this is easier said than done. An awesome way to
truly understand your own set of values, is to genuinely
approach life indiscrimanently with this viewpoint.

So how can empathy really help design a system of higher
and lower values so easily?

It is just like the Golden Rule says, treat everyone like you
would want to be treated.

Would you want to be belittled constantly? No. Would
you want to be disregarded by others? No. Does being
disrespected hurt? Yes.

Temporarily plant your mind into another’s and attempt to
understand their plights.

Although you may say, Brian, why should I always respect
people when most of them have no respect for others
anyway?

If our entire world treated each other in this manner, most
everyone would have contempt for everyone else.

By taking a stroll in someone else’s shoes when dealing
with all people; you automatically detach from the very
learned narcissism we all are accustomed to and approach
your relationships more positively and kinder.

In my humble opinion, it is by far the most selfless way to
approach ones life, so to deny its significance would
definitely be wrong!

By understanding how you would like to be treated and
convert this mindset over to how others should be treated,
then a solid foundation for how your own values can be
built upon.

This, in turn, assists in shaping what is truly important to
what is merely nonsensical. Having an empathetic mindset
adds clarity and purity as opposed to being caught up in a
selfish tunnel of me and more me.

Certainly, we are all going to have our transgressions, but
this approach will limit them and yield more piece of mind,
that your intentions towards others are not to be harmful,
but harmless.

Without a doubt, you will always encounter people who
simply do not care about your feelings, only their own.
Don’t let these people derail your good intentions.

Try to always stay in this mindset. It will surely be critical
to your mental health. I know this may sound like some
sermon, but think of the alternative mindset and the
negativity attached to it.

Of course it’s difficult to respect anyone who blatantly
disrespects you, but this doesn’t mean you should approach
life so negatively.

By sending a message to others that you respect them as a
human being and not some tangible object standing before
them, you naturally disarm their defenses, and begin
speaking to the most real part of them.

Wanting to have a good heart and treating people with
dignity is something we should all strive for on a consistent
basis.

If this uptempo world is to progress, we all need to do our
part by approaching it empathetically and continue to form
our values in accordance to this mindset.

–by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
Want to improve your personal values?
Get high-quality-relationship advice for guys and gals from a ‘Logical’ standpoint. Visit ValuePrep - Relationship Advice.

**Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners**
Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety
in your ezine or on your website as long as
you leave all links in place, do not modify the
content and include our resource box as
listed above.

Share This